Let’s go bust – bankrupt – and be out of work

If customers are such a nuisance, at least stop wasting their time and yours and invite the administrators in – they equally are not interested in customers.

At a time which some claim to be the worst trading conditions for 70 years wouldn’t you think that every business and employee would be enthusiastic to meet, see or hear a customer? Kind of obvious really and probably even common sense!!

Well as we all know, sense is very uncommon and sadly, customers for many businesses and their staff are an interruption to their work. Customer care and service is non-existent. Yet no doubt their corporate website and literature claim “we pride ourselves in our service.”

Bob Wilson, one of our specialists in customer care development for our clients tells me of two experiences last week.

1. He went into a motor retailer to consider changing one of his cars and you would think, wouldn’t you, that a car salesman would be really excited and enthusiastic to have a real live customer on their forecourt? Well after approximately 5 minutes of him standing around, a salesperson appeared and said “I’ll be with you in a few minutes, I am finishing some paperwork.” Bob, being the charming delightful chap he is waited with his wife for a further 5 minutes. The sales person appeared again and said “I am sorry to keep you waiting, but I am nearly finished and will be with you soon.” Bob and Mrs Bob were now no longer feeling quite so nice and after a further 5 or 6 minutes left out in the cold on the forecourt they decided that changing their car wasn’t really that important. They got into their car, which now had a whole new attraction and drove home. They were genuinely a customer with money.

2. The same Bob working with our clients stayed in a reputable hotel in the North of England – it begins with an M has a couple of r’s in the middle and ends with a t. He went into the restaurant and was shown to a table and given a menu. He waited and waited and waited. After what seemed like an eternity of reading the menu front to back, staring at the ceiling, trying to attract attention eventually a person appeared to take his order. He made his selection and the order taker told him that his selection was off the menu at which point Bob replied “and so am I.” He walked out and went some where else.

If ever there was a time to invest in developing the skills of customer care, it is now. (yes I do have a vested interest because this is one of the things that we do) However, we put our money where our mouth is by guaranteeing our clients profits on a small investment.

It is tragic that so many people are losing their jobs because of gross incompetence in management towards the customer care culture.

Bankers Bonuses

Bonuses paid to bankers have attracted hysterical abuse not only by an aggrieved public but also by journalistic comments.

Now let’s get real. Big bonuses paid to directors and departmental heads should be forgone. The chiefs are at fault not the Indians as they are paid to carry out orders and deliver. They are incentivised to perform and over-perform and they of course should be rewarded. When I educate directors and managers on the subject of incentives and performance enhancement I start by laying the foundation “you will get more of whatever you reward and recognise” so be careful in what you do recognise and reward. If you reward or recognise long hours of work you will get people doing just that but not necessarily enhanced performance.

A few years ago I was asked to sort out a problem with a major parcel carrier. They were experiencing a high level of customer complaint of non-delivery with too many parcels returned to the depots. A bright young executive put in an incentive programme for the drivers. If the parcels were not returned to the depot – the drivers earned more money. You can guess what happened - a good incentive but rewarding the wrong result

This is exactly what has happened to the chiefs in the banking fraternity. The right incentive but for the wrong result. The vast majority of the Indians who have performed well and who have had little or no impact on the mess that the banks are now in should be getting their bonuses.

Crass Stupidity

Branding

In the current economic climate where every sane business leader is striving to keep customers, to keep their brand visible and to attract new business in a declining market; there is one company that has joined Gordon Brown’s ministry of silly decisions…Norwich Union.

Norwich Union, a giant and a brand of 200 years. A great name reassuringly safe that appears to be conservative in this turbulent economic climate where there appears to be little safely in financial institutions. I can only presume that the decision to re-brand Norwich Union to Aviva must have been taken by a banker, accountant or lawyer (sorry to offend my friends in these professions). Maybe Norwich Union are going to diversify and don’t want to be identified with providing good value insurance products. Or perhaps they are going into construction, ship building or furniture retailing (great markets to lose money in right now).

Anyhow they probably spent a million or two in dreaming up the name Aviva and are now spending “trillions” (fashionable word) on their re-branding and advertising etc. This is money that could have been spent on winning new business and increasing shareholder value.

If you have a minute……how about some ideas to destroy other great brands with a new name.

Royal Mail – you can’t suggest Consignia as they tried that one Virgin Microsoft Scottish Widows Tesco Marks & Spencer McDonalds